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January 13, 2009
Things humans believe (first in a series).
Humans believe that certain translucent plastic sticks (marketed as Stirwands™) have the power to change the basic properties of water. Since humans do not understand these basic properties, and why these properties are unaffected by contact with translucent plastic sticks, they are unable to resist the allure of the following claims:
Our bodies are so toxic they can no longer chemically balance water and then absorb enough of it to provide therapeutic levels of hydration and oxygen. Yet water, restored to the natural chemical balance and energy it had years ago before we polluted and depleted it, has the ability to not only keep us alive but healthy and capable of optimal performance.Stirred in your water for 20 seconds before you drink it, the Stirwand™ is clinically proven to naturally, without adding anything artificial, quickly restore any clean, potable water to near perfect balance and stability.
Beyond all it does for your drinking water, the Stirwand™ helps water do a better job in any way you use it. Drop a Stirwand™ in your washing machine and cut your detergent in half. Put one in fish tanks and ponds, pools & spas. Use stirred water for all your cleaning and bathing and for watering of livestock and plants. Just stir for 20 seconds (a glass to a gallon), or just drop it in and leave it. It won’t overcharge water nor affect the life of the wand. It’s so sturdy, you could drive a car over it.
Humans believe that water can be "chemically balanced", that it has a measurable quantity of "stability", and that it is somehow possible for it to be "overcharged".
Humans believe that the fact that you could drive a car over a piece of plastic in some way validates the claim that this plastic possesses supernatural powers.
But wait, it gets better. Your payment of $89.95 buys you eight Stirwands™, each a different color, each with different properties:
STIRWAND™ - The Basic Wand; Blue Violet; For everyday use and stress relief. Hydrating and oxygenating. All hours.OLYMPIAN STIRWAND™; Turquoise; For optimizing athletic performance. Hydrating and oxygenating. Day time.
ZEN MASTER STIRWAND™; Purple; For relaxation, meditation and the calming bath. Just drop in bath water when filling and leave in until the end of your bath. Hydrating and oxygenating. After hours.
Et cetera.
The manufacturer offers testimonials:
Our dog who is typically a FREAK at bath time was very calm during it yesterday. We first rubbed the Zen Master over his throat/heart and within 10 seconds, he just laid down and his breathing slowed...AMAZING!We've been using the Gardener Stirwand to water parts of our vegetable garden as we've been experimenting with the wands. The results are amazing! You would not believe how much bigger and brighter my “stirred water” carrots and beets are versus those in the rows that just got regular water.
I cut my thumb, again, trimming a palm tree. That hurts, it bleeds, and is normally sore for several days. This time, I rinsed it quickly and grabbed my Olympian and held it on the puncture. The bleeding stopped immediately, as did the pain, and it wasn't the least bit sore. I jabbed the same thumb with a knife a week later, so did the same thing. Same results. Also burned that same abused thumb on a curling iron, immediately grabbing the Olympian and was pain free in minutes.
Humans believe these claims.
The manufacturer points to faux-scientific reports credited to "Fenestra Research Labs, The World Leader in Wellness Studies". An excerpt from one such report:
About 8 years ago, I began creating a cellular analyzer to take the guesswork out of the Wellness information being widely quoted within the health care field. I gathered all of the information modalities, which had become standard in the industry proven to indicate health concerns before they became health problems...Most importantly, we must remember that no one has seen water molecules, so the theories about clusters, structures, water memory, and geometric shape are just that, theories.
Humans believe that this makes any kind of sense.
The forces of New Age bullshit marketing invite you to fritter away 26 minutes on this enthusiastic display of anti-intellectual, buzzword-riddled magical thinking:
A thing humans believe: Quantum Age Water Stirwands
Via The American Caliban.
